I just finished watching Lifetime’s Surviving R. Kelly documentary series. I woke up with a headache and was late to church…and I’m not prone to headaches. Believe me when I tell you that I don’t want to talk about it any more than you probably do. But we should…
I’m flooded with emotions. Disgust. Rage. Shock. And I’m sure it will take me some time to figure out what else I really feel. You see, I knew what he was doing long before this documentary aired. I know that he was acquitted of all charges on his first and only trial of charges on child pornography. I knew about the late singer Aaliyah. I knew about the sex cult allegations. But this documentary aired some details that were just unbelievable. Yet, I believe these girls and women who have come forward to recount the abuse and assault they say he committed against him. And as a Christian woman who has a heart to help other women, I can’t just watch that series and not talk about it.
I remember being a fan of R. Kelly in grade school, high school, and my early college ears. I knew about Aaliyah. I was a fan of her’s as well. I thought she was beautiful and talented. But I think because she was about my age (maybe a little older) when the details of their marriage came out I didn’t really, fully process what had actually happened to her. In my young mind, I didn’t fully process that an almost 30-year old man had married a 15-year old girl. Which means that he may have started grooming her for sexual abuse as early as 12. I think somewhere in the back of my young mind I thought, she was a famous singer and that’s what happened in her industry…right? So I accepted the “separate the man from the music” cop-out that so many fans adopted, and kept listening to his music.
I can’t remember the exact time, but I did stop listening to his music. I think it was around the time that his sex tape with a 14-year-old girl was leaked. Maybe sometime after. I didn’t watch the video but I’d seen a still photo shot from the video where he looked naked and had turned his head so you could see his face. It was him. And whoever the girl was…whatever he had done to her was wrong. Add to that the fact that by this time I’d experienced what it’s like to have men like R. Kelly try to prey on me. Men who believe that they’re entitled to treat you any kind of way, simply because you’re a woman and they can. Or more particularly, because you are a Black woman and no one will care. Or maybe it’s the fact that you are poor, or young…whatever it is they target you because they believe they’ll get away with it. The bottom line is that years ago, I decided that I wasn’t going to support him as an artist. I didn’t want to hear his music. I didn’t want to see his face. And if you played his music while I was around (unless it was unavoidable, say at a public event), I was asking you to cut it off.
But this docuseries…
I’d heard the stories but I had no idea the horror, the perversion, the pure evil that was being covered up. It wasn’t bad enough that he was having sex with girls. He was getting older girls to have sex with them too. And the young woman who he “turned into a boy” because she was rebellious and tomboyish? Or the young women he infected with herpes? The repeated physical assaults and punishments for disobedience? The starving of food and denial of something as simple as going to the bathroom? The abuse of his wife who had 3 of his children? His acquittal of all child pornography charges in a trial that was delayed for 6 years? And the adult women he clearly targeted and we’re confused as to why? And the fact that this didn’t start with Aaliyah? I know all these things are allegations. But I believe they’re the result of people sweeping his transgressions under the rug when it first started happening.
Yet…the questions are still asked “Why didn’t they just leave?” “Where were their parents?” “Why didn’t they come forward before now?” “But they knew about the allegations, didn’t they?” Or the statements were made that “Robert just has certain preferences” “Those girls and women are just gold diggers” “They’re stupid and crazy for staying”. The fact that underage girls were sometimes referred to as women and the fact that it was implied that they somehow were complicit with this abuse just has me baffled. The REAL questions are how is this man not dead or in jail? Why are we blaming girls for the actions of an adult male sexual predator? Why are we leaving our girls out there like that with no protection? Why can we not hold a psychopath monster accountable? How can we keep listening to his music knowing he’s singing about his sexual exploits with underage girls?
I was going to stop watching the docuseries because I felt sick to my stomach when these young women recounted in detail the degrading acts they were forced to perform. But I figured, if God had to see the actual events, I could stomach these young women being brave and coming forward. I’m glad I did finish watching it because I saw that these girls’ stories were finally being told. And I realized at the end of it all that no one gets away with something like that.
As a Christian woman, I know we have to forgive and love our offenders. But forgiving someone and loving them with the mind and heart of Christ does not mean that we do not tell the truth. The most heartbreaking part of that whole documentary series was how that man used churches to portray a perverted image of holiness to the world. And that the people working with him and who were around him, saw him abusing these girls and didn’t say anything or even helped him do it. It was the fact that another Black man – a popular rapper – admitted that he didn’t value the victims before because they were Black women. That stung.
I often have to dissect my experience on this planet as a Black person, a Black woman, and a Christian. I often find myself having to pull hard on the Gospel when I’m faced with the fact that certain things were done or attempted on me for no other reason than the fact that I am Black and a woman. But I’ve gotten to the point that I can see life through all the filters of my being and still see the truth of the Gospel. And the truth is that for as many verses in the Bible that talk about us forgiving our perpetrators, there are verses that talk about how to handle offenses, and not all of them say to turn the other cheek. In fact, the Bible says that we are to bear the burdens of those who are weaker (in this case, stop blaming the victim). It says that we are to confront our offenders (instead of settling out of court like many of R Kelly’s victims did). Jesus himself said that anyone who would harm a child should tie a weight to himself and sink into the ocean. If that’s how Jesus felt about this, it’s time for the body of Christ to do their part in stopping predators from preying on children and vulnerable young people. It’s time for us to treat all children and young people like they matter – as if they were our own. And it starts with conversations about the truth of the matter.
Did you see the documentary? What were your thoughts?
Jessica Goyette
Jan 14, 2019 -
What a horrible thing to happen! I honestly never heard of it before or if I have I forgotten about it to be honest but for myself I can’t watch these documentaries or shows that explicitly describe and explain Etc it troubles my spirit too much. Something like this does not surprise me at all… it doesn’t surprise me that people continue to play this man’s music or whatever else because nobody bats an eye at evil hardly anymore. Yesterday at church they were talking about lasciviousness and it was said that lasciviousness is a basically do as you please and it seems like this is the way that the world is going right now do whatever you want …anything will go… there’s hardly any judgment anymore. Matthew 7 tells us not to judge. Yes. But it also says elsewhere in the Scriputure to judge righteous judgment. it seems to be lacking.
Afi Pittman
Jan 15, 2019 -
Hi jessica. Yes, it was horrible. Things like that trouble my spirit too. I started not to watch it, but something led me to. It’s a wonder to me too why people keep listening to his music and turning a blind eye to what happened. I know it’s not my place to judge anyone, but I think you make an interesting and good point about righteous judgment.
Lisa Murray
Jan 15, 2019 -
I didn’t watch the series, but I did read about the allegations. Sexual abuse in any situation is horrific and inexusable, but when we offer a pass for celebrities, overlooking it for the sake of the music, it is worse. I am glad the details are being revealed. Healing can hopefully happen for some.
Afi Pittman
Jan 15, 2019 -
Lisa, it absolutely is inexcusable. I’m glad it’s out in the light too. I’ve never seen anything like it. And I hope that this exposure brings healing too.
Melinda Viergever Inman
Jan 16, 2019 -
I read about this, but was so sickened by it that I did not watch the documentary. No wonder it made you ill. It’s absokutely disgusting that in this modern world there is still no justice for these women, that our society doesn’t care to protect women and children from predators. It is at times like this that I rejoice in a just God, who promises to pay back evildoers for their crimes of harming others. Each person will stand and give an account of their life to God and will be judged for their words and actions. This man will face an eternity of torment. He did NOT get away with this because there is a just God who metes out vengeance for the oppressed. God sees, and God will bring him to justice.
Afi Pittman
Jan 16, 2019 -
Melinda, amen. Once I calmed down I thought “but he won’t get away with this with God”. It looks like he’s experiencing some fallout with sales and such but it’s still absolutely sickening that he’s not in jail.
Michelle Broussard
Jan 16, 2019 -
Wow! I did not see the documentary and am not familiar with R. Kelly but OH MY!! I pray that the lies are exposed and the scales come off the eyes of all involved. I also pray for healing and restoration for all the women involved, how tragic.
Afi Pittman
Jan 17, 2019 -
Hi Michelle. Yes, it is tragic. But I think eyes are being opened at all levels thank God.
Edna Davidsen
Jan 16, 2019 -
Dear Afi,
I’m not familiar with the topic, or the documentary of this blog post.
However, what you wrote made me reflect on the concept of forgiveness.
That is no simple concept.
I agree with you that change requires that we’re willing to talk truths.
Sincerely,
Edna Davidsen
Afi Pittman
Jan 17, 2019 -
Hi Edna. Yes, forgiveness is no simple concept but it is necessary in our journey to total healing.
Beth Bingaman
Jan 16, 2019 -
I have not seen it but it sounds very much like what a friend is going through with trying to expose her priest from her Catholic High School here in Pa. The same grooming, the same cover ups, the same ignoring by he media and the church. I know that the Lord will bring vengeance but agree that He also calls for justice for the victims. I pray He would give us bold spirits and loud voices to proclaim the truth and restore the victims.
Afi Pittman
Jan 17, 2019 -
Wow. I’m so sorry that your friend has gone through this. I didn’t realize how bad coverups were in the Catholic church were until I saw the Keepers on Netflix. After seeing R Kelly’s documentary, it makes me feel like the only justice victims will get is by God and by people telling the truth and exposing people like this for the monsters they really are.
Jessica Brodie
Jan 16, 2019 -
I remember hearing about the whole R. Kelly things back then, and your post made me want to watch the documentary. It’s so important to keep talking about these issues. Sexual assault is never OK, and the more we talk about this, the more people can heal and maybe we can even prevent future assaults from happening. Thank you for this!
Afi Pittman
Jan 17, 2019 -
Hi Jessica. Thank you for stopping by. If you watch it, just brace yourself. BUT, I’m glad I watched it because it opened my eyes to what was really going on and how I can help. God bless.
Melissa McLaughlin
Jan 30, 2019 -
My heart hurts for any children who are harmed in this way. May we never turn a blind eye, no matter what. Thank you for raising awareness of this horror story, so that we don’t become numb to it all. Oh, Lord, have mercy!
Afi Pittman
Jan 30, 2019 -
Hi Melissa – I hurt when I see children hurt like that too. Thank you so much for commenting and sharing!
Liz Petruzzi
Jan 31, 2019 -
It’s important we in the Christian community discuss these hard things. While it grieves my heart and it’s heartbreaking to see, Jesus never turns away – so we must not either. We cannot protect our children or share the love, mercy and forgiveness of Christ if we are unwilling to look it in the face. There is evil in the world but our God is bigger. Thank you for a post of substance and importance.
Debbie Luxton
Jan 31, 2019 -
I do not remember hearing about any of this. Stories where perpetrators are not convicted are sickening. “How could that happen?” Thank you for writing about this. Doing our part to bring about awareness is very important. God remains in control and He alone prevails.
Deborah L Alten
Jan 31, 2019 -
My daughter and I watched it together and we were in shock. We didn’t speak about it at all, but just shared tears. She doesn’t want to talk about it which kind of worries me. I know she’s been through a lot, including getting shot at, and she also used to think these girls should have left until she watched the series. I can only say that R. Kelly has one more judge to face and He will judge righteously which in Kelly’s case, I’m supposing, will not be a good outcome.
And you are right, we do need to talk about this.
Afi Pittman
Feb 1, 2019 -
Hi Deborah, I’m sorry to hear that your daughter was so gravely impacted by this. Just keep trying to be there for her and praying for her. I’ll be praying for her as well. Yes, he will face the ultimate judge.
Michelle
Feb 3, 2019 -
It’s hard for me to share my thoughts in only a few words…especially in terms of questioning where the justice is in all of this. I didn’t watch the series and was only vaguely aware of the controversy surrounding R. Kelly, but I have overcome sexual abuse myself—several times over. Trauma changes you, and one of the ways you are affected is that your judgement and your responses become impaired. Sometimes you don’t speak out because you are in denial, your memories are blocked or cloudy, or you are intimidated by the power and sway the abuser holds. Often women speak out years later because they’ve had enough healing to be able to do so. I have only recently been open about my own abuse but have had to keep some details hidden because one of those men is still in a position of power and influence, and I live in a very small state. Thank you for your courage in choosing to publicly decry this man and his heinous acts.